Entries 1.1. – 27.7.2011, Germany

Wednesday, 27.7.11

I´ve done a lot of stuff in Germany now, so, here is a summary of my last six months as promised: January 2011: feel depressed February 2011: no hope March 2011: utter despair April 2011: it only gets worse June 2011: pain and desolation July: wanted to throw me below train, yet the track was closed down, because there was someone quicker.

Tuesday, 26.7.11

I´m beginning to edit this site, yet my internet is very slow and my hemorrhoids are bothering me quite much, so it will be some time until anything is done.

………………my post on DAC

Hi there, fellas!

On this thread now I will post the chapters of my seventh volume as I write them. That means, right here, there will be the according most recent chapter, as written. Whenever there is a new one finished, I will post it here, overlaying by it the old one. Remarks, criticism, any editing will be welcome anytime, or suggestions or own ideas. The chapters posted here might be in the final version or they might not be. I might edit the book when finished or it will be pretty much in the end the way I had posted it here. There might be ages between the posts or there might be a new chapter each day sometimes, I don´t know yet, we´ll see. Have fun, Jochen Lembke

Monday, 20.6.11

Admittedly there is no longer much going on at this site, while my German one is very busy, yet right now I´m still depending on internet cafe which is a pain and I will soon have internet at home and then I promise to keep this site up to date, I will give a summary of what I have been doing over the last half year in English language (although I´m more and more familiar with French, je suis désolé). Also, there´going to be pics again, for, by then I will have bought a new cam again, for the old one is broken.

Meanwhile some brand new pics!

Which one of these two good-looking fifty-ish fellas am I? And who is even better looking, ladies?

I ´m currently living in a basement flat, nice for these tropical Freiburg summers.

little space in the garden for rabbit

Villa rabbit

Last remaining rabbit, out of six! (Out of four brought to England and back)

Saturday, 21.5.11

Tremendously busy with all kinds of legal trouble concerning my sweet little bitch – yet, there is a book written by me waiting to make me famous, so, right on! You wanna f… with me, you come and get it.

Zicking! - Lembke, Jochen


Zicking is an Anglicism for bitching and was meant as a satirical way to deal with false accusations involving another Anglicism, stalking. I have designed the title all by myself, the drawing was also done by me, 30 years ago!

Friday, 29.4.11

Congrats wedding-wise. Hope all this will amount to something worth all the expenses. Or shall I quote, with liberty, “naked gun” 1, “as ridiculous as the idea of having a queen may seem to us we will be happy to have her in Los Angeles…”

Anyway, am still alive, yet knee-deep in shit.

Sunday, 10.4.11

Am still alive, yet it´s all happening on the German site. That bitch has sued me again, so the book about us is getting even bigger. I will now try to enforce talks between us, by legal means, respectively some cooperation by justice.

Thursday, 24.2.11

Colmar won´t happen this year, so I focus on doing it the next year. meanwhile there´s another go on the Douglas Adams Continuum. Yelling at me gives them a purpose to live. So, the DAC is facing the long dark tea-time of the soul? I’ve been doing some thinking these last couple of months and I think this is the last year for the DAC. At least for me. I seem to not be as interested anymore, hardly ever here and it’s all becoming an obligation. The Duke of Dunstable, 3.2.2011. Well, serves you right, dear DAC, why are you clinging that much on to old virtues? Why haven´t you opened yourself a little bit to new things, subjects, new writers in the field? I know this is a forum about DA and his work, yet, let´s face it, the only two subjects of any significance lately for this forum here and its members were the DAC yelling at Colfer and the DAC yelling at me (and a bit me yelling at Colfer. (Erm, if Colfer has ever yelled at me, which is not a 100% unlikely, he must have done that not in public, for there is no evidence of him yelling at me on the forum… erm, must not ramble…)) Honestly, you can´t expect you dedicate a forum to an author who has deceased in 2001 (sadly, but still true) and think you can go on like this forever. After all computers of the Master himself have been stripped, after all lost manuscripts or fragments of them have been found, pieced together (or entirely made up by someone), after all movies have been made, got a caning, pressed on DVD (got a caning for the DVD-version), after all books had been fitted with new entries, for- and afterwards – what then? After all unauthorised sequels been written and even a guy officially bestowed to write one, after even this is done – and got a caning, what then, then? I mean, even the BBC gets rid of the h2g2-website! So, how long do you think this can go with, h2g2 in yet another comic, h2g2 in yet another stage-version, yet another DVD, hey, there´s the Master himself on Vinyl! It was found in the vault of The Douglas Adams Relics in the section not to touched before the year 3000! (But I got it for you anyway!) At the end of the day, you are facing what anybody faces when there are no challenges and goals anymore and enough energy left – you are facing the long dark tea time of the soul! What are you gonna do then, to keep this forum alive and running, insult the universe? Look, what happened when I entered this site. Now, there I´d been, freshly freaked out about having endured 17 months of the bulldog´s snarl and I got snarled at again! I mean, have I not done a second translation of most parts of all the five h2g2-volumes? Have I not done a sequel, (even translated myself into (my poor pidgin)-English)? Do I not write in a similar style, when ever appropriate? (Not that I always do this, cause I like to vary.) Have I not written a book about interstellar cab-drivers, who make hitch-hiking in the galaxy superfluous? Am I not weird? (I mean in good way, in DA-worthy way of weird…) Look at me, I came to bulldog´s country with my four rabbits, I drove a cab in three countries so far (which is nothing against the fact that I drive a cab at all, which is the weirdest thing by itself) I stalked a girl and have written a 500-pages book saying basically why that little bitch, she had it coming, right? (I mean, can you top that one alone :-)?) Am I not writing a seventh volume as soon as I find the time? (Okay, it´s certainly not a big deal that DA lived with his mother, after the divorce of his parents when he was still a boy who got married again, and I lived with my father, after the divorce of my parents when I was still a boy, before he got married again, this is just society in the 20th century. Of course we both grew up being a little odd and compensating a lot through reading – common behaviour in that situation and you might also say, this slightly weird and sarcastic humour of mine, the style of writing came by the fact alone that DA was very popular among youths of my age and educational back-ground and that the fact that I am, exactly at the moment when I´m writing this, exactly one month older than DA was at the time he died (he became 49 and two months and I am pretty much exactly 49 and three months) is just another insignificant and totally meaningless coincidence. Sure, quite rightly, so.) Anyway, what did you when I addressed this forum with a sixth volume? You yelled at me, you bickered and you called me a blasphemer (not literally, but it definitely came across as such.) And now look what happened. The version I had written was still in the making, in the English version, only translated from German by myself within the limits of my poor pidgin-English and I needed desperately some sort of cooperation. So, the DAC had had the opportunity to take a good deal of influence! To alter this version significantly, almost to the extent of a version of me and the DAC together. Anybody who felt like it could have had a shot! Together we would have had something against this sad little piece of work, which is now the official version, this children´s book version, at best. We could have made the world a (slightly) better place! (Slightly) more worth living in! You could have put your weight into it, your „political muscle“. But, no, you were clinging on too much to the past, to your ideals of purity and let the chance to alter history slip, to say, if there is hanging the threat of a sequel like a sword of Damocles over us let it at least not be Colfer´s version of all. But it is still time to learn from your own mistakes. You don´t have to name an official successor, you don´t have to call this forum a Jochen Lembke Continuum, by all means, (although you might and like I said before, I´m worshipable, am I not? Supply me with devoted female followers and a fleet of Rolls-Royces (but make damn sure they are filled up with fuel) and you´ll see what happens) but you could open a section for me, for other authors who might follow in DA´s footsteps, where they could portray their work Or would generally pay more attention to those people, instead of just rising the cross at them and sprinkle them with holy water and burn them alive. I mean, as long as I´m not famous enough you can still yell at me for a start and do the worshiping later. No, you don´t have to face the long dark tea time of the soul, dear DAC, or face Facebook, talk to each other at Zuckerberg´s… there are opportunities which could still keep this place alive and all of its members in happy unison! Jochen Lembke, Feb. 2011

Thursday, 10.2.11

I´ll have another go at Colmar, France again. There´s  a fair chance it will happen on this Mai, 11th. I f not I will do it the year after.

Tuesday, 25.1.11

Why I not coming! It´s very simple, I wrote to 20 or 30 ads posted an ad myself 5 times and didn´t get one single response. While all the while I had such a hard time as a lodger last time – I´m just not in the mood for an encore. I have to do the licence again anyway, it doesn´t matter when. I will definitely come back to Brighton again, but not now. Maybe I check on longer term if someone really wants me to stay with him, otherwise once bitten twice shy! (12.2011: I will not come anyway unless they VIP-me at the HC-office!)

Monday, 24.1.11

My campaign on Gumtree had been very effective in terms that half of Brighton knows I´m coming and I haven´t found a room yet. Besides that I am rather desperate. Sure , my savings will last, but they won´t if I had to stay in a costly hotel for long. Plus, I need an address for the licence thingy, CRB check and driving licence exchange. The shorter this takes, the better. I am tremendously good again at Brighton roads, so this will be more than on time. So, I don´t need girls wearing orchids and chanting hymns – only if they can put me up.

Thursday, 20.1.11

Five more days and I will arrive at Brighton but it looks like there will be no red carpet, nor will there be pretty girls wearing orchids in their hair, queuing for me. Erm, at a closer look, there might not even be a room just sitting there for me and waiting, so I better start looking. Welcome to the real world, Neo.

Monday, 17.1.11

Brighton, await my coming on the 25th! And roll out the red carpet! (Or stop at least being a pain, for once.) Lembke is coming back and he intends to be much more indulgent with Brighton and England this time, for he has seen worse! (I think, yet, I have to make a note about that and put it somewhere on my dashboard. (Once I have gotten the LICENCE again, for I have to renew the thing again, the whole works. Yet, I can proudly say, I am almost up to scratch again with the knowledge, for I refreshed it over the past month. The whole thing should be done within two months and my savings will last that long.))

Friday, 7.1.11

Well, footie´s not coming home lads, but Lembke is! I have left Switzerland and Zurich, which is quoting Mr. “don´t make a fuss, shove it right into my pockets”-Sepp Blatter, “boring, boring” and will go back soon to England for some more time in “Englands most rowdiest place”! Watch this space, I will switch back to writing in English, of course.

More Freiburg pics as gallery:


About Jochen Lembke

Europe's cab-driving writer
This entry was posted in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s