Entries 29.11. – 11.12.2008, Brighton

Thursday, 11.12.08

Because I’m still not feeling very well, I have just worked a few hours, again. Driven mentally disabled people and a very exhausted care worker, tells me they would scream and fight which each other in the night. Well… frankly, I don’t envy you about your job! I’ve worked in hospitals for some months, but that’s long ago, now I juuust wouldn’t bring up that idealism anymore, showbiz has spoilt me, I’m afraid.

Looked at another 100 sites at MySpace. Tremendous task, but also inspiring. You get a short glimpse at other people’s life, quite interesting, indeed. I try to make friends with everybody, young or old, boy or girl, christian or satanist, it depends on the other people, if they want to make friends with me! Wait, it dingdongs, ah, just another friend on MySpace… who? Hm, can’t even remember contacting him… Anyway, all you my new MySpacefriends, here’s to you! I won’t rest before I haven’t shaken hands with you, promise! At least, I try!

Wednesday, 10.12.08

Still busy with making friends with MySpacers, but, gee, what a task! First, you’d be surprised how many of them there are in B&H, thousands! I estimate 3000, actually. Obviously this hyped town attracts a lot of people who are into social networking. Then, next, I’m actually a bit scared of some people, being into some weird blood cult religion, let it be the catholic church or the other way round, those satanist guys… scary! Does being young and living in Brighton excludes being nice? The type of “helping elderly people across the road”-nice? Well, right now I’m at page 25 from out of 300, it takes much more time, than I thought, because I check out all the pages first. Here is what I love: – weird stuff like: “STEVE GRIFFIN A Man Is Not Finished When He Is Defeated. He Is Finished When He Quits.” “I’m Duke, I’m from the year 22nd century. My hobbies include hanging out with my friend kage-chan. I often get in fights with gangs for reasons unknown. I like mouthwash, long walks at night time, fashion (i am a fashion whore!), pacakes and playing the naked game. I dislike posers, Antipye, living in the rough side of town, kage-chan (just kidding KC :P) and my height 😦 That’s it i suppose.) This user has logged in last 2006, he must have vanished into cyberspace! Mood: “jedi”, didn’t know that that exists! People like “Xanthor The Egregious Iniquitous Heretic” Dragged into the world 10 weeks before I should have been I never really had a chance to be the same as everyone else. I am stuck in a wheelchair but I prefer it to walking around. I have done all kinds of shit jobs, travelled round the world on crutches and in a wheelchair, written for magazines and worked for the BBC. Now I’m stuck being a travel agent somehow. Sometimes I DJ at The Gilded Palace Of Sin as Chuck Wagon. I have also been locked up for being insane- Or: about me: Fortified with essential bitterness and sarcasm – good stuff like: I’m a freelance writer and photographer who’s moved down Brighton way for sea air and a more chilled life after way too long playing London games. Always look on the “brighton” side of things – And I definitely love sexy girl pics!!!! What I hate – last login going back to the stone age, why don’t they remove it then? – some people think that some weirdos screaming obscenities in mikes, which then happens to be recorded due to some heavily overhyped freak of bad taste… is music!!! – those over-pimped up pages you can’t find anything – captchas!!!!!!!! – pages that take ages to open up – f… off’s like: i’d like to meet a varity of people, i dont care who u r… JUST NO CHAVS/TOWNIES /PREPPYS Ect…GOT IT!!! oh and if u dont like me the just Fuck Off!!! Or: Anyone with the same interests as i have and if you are not dont message me and fuck off. – Scammers!!!!

Weirdest pics!

Weirdest MySpace pics

Tuesday, 9.12.08

“Strictly come dating, the Uk’s hottest dating show” (well, according to cheeky German bastard, at least.) What happened so far? Erm, not too much, I’m afraid. I mean, English girls are not really that much hot-blooded, are they, and erm… so, in addition to my ad on Gumtree, where there, erm, has been no response at all, so far, I’ve sent some friend requests to local My-space-users, and invited them, if female, to join, but, there’s so many of them and I just came round to send a few. So, there’s not much response to that, so far. Oh yes, only a scammer, who sent me the picture below, with the following text, “here’s my picture, do you like it?” and I replied, “Well, actually, I think it’s too good to be true, how about that?” and that has silenced him a bit. I mean, I can picture him so well as a middle-aged, fat, bald, little weasel who does his small-time scams as a hobby, ’cause living on this he can’t, being a bit stupid. Maybe he’s getting some perv kicks out of it too. Well, anyway, here’s the pic he sent me. Boys, just between us, pheeew! Right?

Well, I don’t think this girl can be thaaat lonely!?

I hereby name, blame and shame this Lady in the blue Ford, for she has done a really, really baddie, she has parked on a taxi-rank, which was blocked anyway by that van. I will not press charges, but here, in public, her licence plate is T926 ABK, can everybody read it? See me poor German cabbie with four rabbits, chased by buses and vans, trying to cram a little bit into some remaining space on the left! A shame, isn’t it?

I have the great pleasure to meet my new friend Michael D’Cruze, who is an “actor, model, presenter, singer, voice over”, and is living in Brighton, as I take it. Check out his credits, I’ve copied them for you.

Michael was a bit under the weather, when I drove him, not feeling too well, so I copied a nicer pic of him, from his site, below. Michael, if you ever want to do a voice-over gig with me, I’m at your service, looking back at quite some career as an amateur actor myself, being renowned for my voice, many have said so. I will definitely read and record all my books, whenever I come round to it!

Sunday, 7.12.08

I’ve launched “strictly come dating”, the hottest dating show in the UK!!!! Of course, only from cheeky German me! The girls will come flocking – and will be fainting! By my good looks? No, when they hear about my debts. But girls, debtors are always the most generous, aren’t they? Now, this is my text on Gumtree: Hi, girls! Just to work is no good, I have to do something about my rubbish love-life! Yet as you can probably see right from the head-line, this is not just about finding a partner (although I really, really wouldn’t mind, for I’m soooo lonely and I can be quite a romantic cuddly-bear, too), but it’s about the fun of dating itself, heightened, as I would say so, by the fact that I would like to put this all on my web-site, with pictures, maybe even videos! Of course, only to the extent you would allow me to do so, for you could always say no to that and we could carry on without it. How about that? So, what does “Europe’s cab-driving writer” means? It means I travel all over Europe, drive a cab and write about it, England is now my second step and France will be the next! Check out my web-site about that all http://jochenlembke.spaces.live.com/ where I’m keeping a blog in English language, with lotsa pics too. There’ll be also links to some self-made music, for I’m quite the artist! My name is Jochen Lembke, I’m German, just turned 47 – the picture is recent, so people always tell me, I look 10 years younger. See you soon, girls! Jochen Cheeky, isn’t it? Yeah, that’s me. But my love-life is definitely rubbish…

So far no responses to my emails concerning issues in this town whatsoever. I’ve sent another two to the Argus. I won’t do this again, rather send the next one to the New York Times straight-away. Who am I, some clown? (Okay, okay, I’d rather be a clown than a link in a chain, whose only purpose is to work smoothly and not to die until being 65.)

I will also now send another one to the B/H Bus Company, with the following text: You’re certainly asking, where is the money supposed to come from to fit all these many buses with filters? Well, here’s my suggestion. I take it you are, same as the taxis, not allowed to put any commercial advertisement on your buses, that’s why you make so many ads for yourself. Where I come from all the buses and trams have commercial ads on their flanks, an ad on a tram i.e. brings in a monthly 10000 or something. I do think, that the council will allow ads for the explicit purpose of improving Brighton´s air quality, which is today in cab-jargon plainly called the “Brighton stink”, the fact that you have to wash a cab every three days, if you don’t want black hands every time when touching it. Moreover, the benefit from a better image will be enormous! Yours, Jochen Lembke

Friday, 5.12.08

Knew it, I’m still strong like an ox, or how else can come the door handle off, when I pull on it? What did you say? A Renault is not a Mercedes? Aww, come on! Anyway, spend half an hour at the garage and they fix it for me, on warranty, Becks of Brighton, here’s to you!

Successfully joined “you tube” yesterday! I will henceforth pester the world not only with writing and pics and singing/guitar-playing, but also with videos!

Thursday, 4.12.08

Race dogs? Probably.

Very busy this morning for it was windy and rainy and nobody wanted to walk to the station.

Drive woman with 10-year-old daughter and two small dogs, bro and sis. Bro is going to get his thingies cut off. She tells she has a whole zoo at home and two children. Well, guess it never gets boring.

Lady, who wants to go to the Town Centre. “Which one,” I ask, for she boarded me at Hove Town Hall. “Well, there’s only one, Brighton, of course, Hove doesn’t count for me.” Well, here’s for all Hove-enthusiasts, swallow on that!

Tuesday, 2.12.08

Some weird day, “bluesday”. No further comment. Single high-light, pick up a little boy from some day-care thingy. So cute! “You speak differently”, he says. “Yeah, that’s because I’m from Germany. Do you want me to speak German, so that you can hear how it sounds?” And I tell him a little something in German. “What did you just say?” he asks quite fascinated and I translate. So cute! Want one too, sigh. (Hasenschnecke….)

Monday, 1.12.08

Feed-back to my emails so far, very weak, my email to the council now has been forwarded to their press-department, at least. Number of things I could change with it in this town so far – zero. “Everything is a bit of a mess these days”! A passenger tells me. Yes! What was so bad about the cages that we have left back then, anyhow? Weren’t they cosy, nice and warm (well, at least after the fire had been invented). Yeah, sure, a bit of a sabre-tooth problem sometimes, but in the whole…?

I’m making a little survey today about the European flag on my card. I ask my English passengers about it and if they know it, bonus question, would they then know the European hymn (the old one) and if they don’t, do they at least recognise it, when I hum it. So, I’m humming quite a few times “Ode to Joy” – for Europe is not so overly popular in England, I’m afraid. I will keep doing this survey!

Queensdown School kids again. I didn’t know that those were “tough kids”! I thought “alternative education”, yeah, great! Something like the “Waldorfschule”, we have in Germany, anthroposophically oriented. Now, I know better, it’s an euphemism, created by the PC’s, the political correct ones. Those are kids who get dumped there, after all other attempts have failed! Does anyone tells me poor foreign cabby that? Nope, Sirree. Here’s from their site. “The Alternative Centre for Education (ACE) was created in September 2000 … Based on 5 separate sites throughout the city, ACE is designated as a Special School. ACE places under a single management structure all the specialist provision in Brighton and Hove for children with emotional, behavioural and-social difficulties… So, today I have a 10-year-old gangster-rapper, who is a little into filthy rhyming and then tells me, “do you have any idea who I am?” (That was before he claps his hands and say, “let’s go, mate!”) So, probably this kid already has a fan-club for dirty rhymes, at the age of ten. Great career prospects, for some guys make millions by never growing up, always staying kids (who deserve a little bit more spanking then sympathy in my eyes, let them be middle-aged men or millionaires, I don’t care which, give a t… about anyway. I mean, we did some filthy rhyming when we were 10, but that was just for fun and puberty reasons). So, then he gets a bit racist with me, “so, you’re from Germany where f… Hitler is from, the t…” “No, he was from Austria”, I say, just to make the point. “But he lived in Germany!” he replies. Well, yes, he did, oh, boy, he did, didn’t he. He lived and died in Germany… and with him another 55 millions, oh dear. Yeah, point given, he was a t…, but that was long before this brat was born. Then he says to the other kids something about that he wants some acid, as if I would be some mate he wants to impress with his coolness. Acid would be just good for anything. I tell him, “to me you act as if you are on acid already!” Boy, this cab-driver isn’t political correct, yet maybe not the wrong approach for little toughies like him. Then they get out and the one in the back deliberately slams the door shut. I have had quite a lot of cab-doors slammed at me in my life and I don’t care if he’s just a kid, I act on impulse: “F…er”, I snap, furious. I don’t know if I accept Queensdown School again, I think I’m just not political correct enough for that.

The police is out in force at a house next to my pick-up. “It’s probably a burglar-alarm with a direct link to the police”, he says. Oh no! Do they pay then for the false alarm too, which it is in 99%? Anyway I joke around a little about this “shoot-out here, bullets flying” and he happily joins me, “there, the reinforcement is coming!” and indeed, sirens approaching, another police car – which almost hits me, when I turn round the corner, sharp braking and all. I can almost see the head-lines “Europe’s cab-driving writer, hit by a police-car!” Good for my career, wouldn’t it?

I pick up a girl from the Sprachcaffee, she with an Italian name and right away I rattle along about Italy, I will go there probably one day too, “parla un poco d’italiano” (con sotto voce), rolling the r’s heavily. We go along North Street, and of course, “well, it’s almost like Italy here, disorganised, (sorry), you know, the bus company is almost like some mafia, they think they own the place” and so on. She says nothing. Further on, I carry, relentlessly, “you know, I’m very German, we sort of have this attitude of being concerned about everything, carrying the world on our shoulders, sort of, everything concerns me, problems which aren’t my own, yeah, that’s how I am, I should be more like an Italian, you know, amore and such… But, I’m a writer, so I write about things and then they concern me, I can’t help myself, yes, I am taking the burden, a bit like Jesus…” I pause, visualizing the Jesus in me, oh, how heavy the cross is, the crown of thorns, oh father why have thou abandoned me, the vinegar sponge… Yes, I think to myself moodily, I am too much concerned about everything, let them solve their problems, “those, who causeth themselves problems, let them f… solveth by themselves….” “I am Brazilian” she says, all of a sudden. “I am not Italian.” Oh, shit! Shit, shit, shit!

Bill “three times” is one of the very few, in those six months I risk my life now on oh those Brighton roads, I’ve ever had the pleasure to drive for the third time now. He doesn’t tell me a thing about him, but doesn’t he look like an artist? A real one, who doesn’t have to boast and brag as I’m doing, (hidden under a thin layer of poor, always see-through self-irony)?

Sunday, 30.11.08

Sent three emails to uni-staff about editing some more of my Hitch-Hiker’s. Await outcome. Have to start working tomorrow again (yukk).

Saturday, 29.11.08

No response to my emails yet. I just had an email from a web delivery officer from the council, saying that my email has been forwarded to the taxi licensing department. Erm, on what grounds? I have no taxi to licence, I have concerns about this town. So, I sent to the delivery officer the following text: “Thank you for answering. However, I’d sent this email to the City Council for a very, very good reason, for my blog and my humble suggestions are not just about cab-driving, but they are about the experiences, good or bad, a cab-driver makes with this town and the impression he gains and therefore should be a matter of general concern to the town’s representatives. Surely, you receive quite a lot of emails, but then again I spent so much time and thought on that email that I’d be much obliged indeed if it gets the attention it deserves – I’ve already sent an email to the Hackney Carriage Office, which I have mentioned in the “subject”, so there is no need to forward another one to them. I’d be very disappointed if what I’m doing won’t be noticed by the council, for (not to mention the acclaim from our Foreign Minister), I’ve received two personal letters from our mayor in Freiburg, which is by no means a smaller and less significant town than Brighton & Hove. There’s so much we could learn from ourselves, if we are open and willing to cooperate. I surely won’t be able to twin the two cities, I’m nothing but an unknown writer, yet, mind you, the two towns do have a lot in common, they are located in the very south of the country, about the same size, both uni-towns with a major uni-hospital, renowned for cultural life, very popular and both are voted “happiest place in the country”!!!! So whenever there’s an interest from the council in having relations with Freiburg, to have a look at its exemplary public-transport system, for example, I’d be happy to talk to its mayor and I’m sure he’ll be delighted about the idea. There definitely should be some exchange between those two towns.

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About Jochen Lembke

Europe's cab-driving writer
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One Response to Entries 29.11. – 11.12.2008, Brighton

  1. Elencelom says:

    Thank you! I always wanted to write in my site something like that. Can I take part of your post to my blog?

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